28/03-03/04/11

Wherein I present and briefly talk about the finest, funniest and foremost trailers released over the past week. Because hyperbole is fun.



 

You see Valve, you see what happens when you don’t check in. Half Life Episode 3 is hanging-out somewhere in limbo and while Valve are thumping out some impressive home-made trailers for Portal 2 (see here), it’s fallen to the fans to preserve the Half Life love.

And thus arrives a trailer for Gnome Chompski, the best video about a game that’s never going to be made ever. “Duke is late”, it begins, “Dr Freeman is M.I.A” it continues before blasting forth The Prodigy’s Invaders Must Die and documenting the monumental ass-kicking handed out to dinosaurs, zombies and Tommy Wiseau alike by Episode 2’s infamous Gnome. The happy little garden ornament’s weapon of choice? A chainsaw, obviously. A chainsaw he operates via telepathy as he nonchalantly races around his killing field with hands in pockets. He’s partial to utilising the crowd thinning capabilities of a sports car and akimbo Uzis to get the job done too though. Chompski isn’t a fussy fellow, as long as everyone dies.

 

I’ll stop including them when they stop being so damn good. The bad boys of America’s army return, ditching the sunny holiday vistas (and snipers) in place of dirty vents to dabble in a little bomb defusal and hand-to-hand combat. Is there anything they can’t do? Get here quick enough perhaps. As usual with DICE’s trailers, it’s too easy to go all slack-jawed when the battle takes to the stretching streets of this dusty, earthquake plagued city. Full 12 minute reveal on April 17th too. Hooray.

 

There were some good April fools’ jokes doing the rounds on Friday; Google’s keyboard-free future roused a giggle or two while Destructoid’s handwritten website proved curiously addictive. I trawled through articles I had absolutely no interest in just to check out some more doodles. Maybe they’re on to something there.

But it was Arenanet who proved ultimate champion fools with this four minute collection of trailers for the sadly not-upcoming Commando class in Guild Wars 2. “If it bleeds, I can kill it” the commando’s tagline and it’s bang on the money, Mr Commando calling in air strikes against giant chickens, tossing flash bang grenades at orcs (or something equally ugly), rescuing lovely ladies from the evildoers of whichever fantasy realm Guild Wars is set and just generally upsetting the balance of ye olde life. Proficient use of the Wilhelm Scream garners Arenanet bonus points as well. Skip to 3:18 for the best of the bunch.

 

You can view all previous The Week in Trailers features by clicking on the features bar at the top of this page and navigating to the conveniently titled “The Week in Trailers” menu. Do it, and you’ll gain an extra limb.

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